Well, that was an interesting surge from the full "harvest" moon. As I stated before, a full moon in its beginning phases always has been felt in an emotional sense for me. I turn into such a cry baby... and yet, there are always lessons learned about myself and takeaways for further personal growth that make it all ok! I will admit, I am exhausted and want to write something today that is in a positive light. I am still on track with my journey and my self-reflection but everyone needs a break, every now and then...
Give me a break... give me a break... break me off a piece of that...
I sent my Peeps an early morning message asking them what their favorite memory was with me. Surprisingly, my girls responded fairly quickly! They are used to these types of random questions and topic items from me, so typically, they push me aside a few hours, a day, or a week or two... haha! Not today... both of them were on top of providing the moments they could recall as their personal favorites! It was an instant smile for me and a trip down memory lane that was filled with laughter, love, and maybe even a little bliss! My most recent trips into the past have been extremely difficult. The text message to "just breathe" was a necessary reminder for me (Thank you to My. Mr. TDAH)! I am not going back down that road today or hopefully anytime soon. Instead, I am going to share those favorite moments. Maybe, this will provide additional insight into the person I was, I am, and who I am working so hard to be.
Here are the fan favorites from each of my Peeps... written from my perspective.
My Oldest: Brianna Rae (Llama Mama) picked this as one of her personal favorites:
Back in September of 2010. I was not one to adventure far, on my own, especially with the kids in tow. I got a hankering for a road trip to Red Lodge. We all piled in my Buick (old lady car) and headed towards the interstate. Once we got to Red Lodge; I stopped by the river so we could stretch our legs and get some awesome pictures with the fall colors in the background. They LOVE my need for pictures. Jonathan decided he was going to monkey around down by the river. I told him the water was cold and to be careful. Before I could finish my sentence... splash! The girls and I laughed as his teeth were chattering, as he climbed back up to the car. We did not pack extra clothing... so we had to dig in the trunk of the car to see what we could find. It was like Christmas back there. A pair of flip-flops, a pair of the girl's socks, and sweat pants that were to go to goodwill like five years prior... were his only options. As he was getting dressed into his embarrassing attire... Brianna came running full force towards the car and suddenly slammed into the hood. She rolled off the hood and onto the ground. We all laughed as we had no idea what just happened but it was dang funny. Brianna screamed out "I was hit and run over by a parked car!" All of them laughing and acting silly made us hungry, so we headed to the Red Lodge Cafe for some good grub. Jonathan was not impressed with the idea of having to be seen in public in his too small of clothes. Which made the situation so much funnier! The comedy continued on through lunch. From this trip, we began our tradition of getting each a bag of candy from the Imporium and picking out their silkscreening designs to be applied to a sweatshirt of their choosing. I believe they still have some of the sweatshirts from over the years. I still have the blurred picture from that trip somewhere in my email files!
My Middle Child; Haley Mae (My Mini-Me) Picked this as one of her favorites:
Haley loved to play dance games on the Wii. That girl has some rhythm and can keep up to the beats. I of course was always up for the challenge of attempting to beat her at these silly dance games. I had no rhythm and barely could keep up. On rare occasions, Brianna, or Jonathan would join in. I don't know how many times we all danced to "This Is Halloween". Every time I hear that song, I think of all of us dancing in a circle, role-playing our favorite characters. The majority of the time... it was just Haley and I... dancing our hearts out! This one dance was to the song "Girlfriend" in which, at one point you were to face each other and swing at each other as if you are in a fight. I, of course, got offbeat and was swinging out of sync when smack... Haley caught me right on the chin. We laughed so hard at my missed dance steps and the smack heard around the world! Let me tell you... You only mess up that dance move once! Haha... and of course Haley won... again!
My Youngest Child; Jonathan Michael (Money Murdock) hasn't responded yet... so I will share one of my favorite moments with him. There were many to choose from...
One night, as I was about to drift off to sleep... the highest-pitched screeching sound I have ever heard before, caused me to jump up and out of bed! I ran for the kitchen, just as Jonathan was quickly coming out of his room, to also, find out what the sounds were. Just as he flipped on the dining room light... his cat; Baby, had something in her mouth. As I screamed at the cat to drop whatever was in her mouth... a baby bunny leaped across the kitchen floor! In slow motion... our dog bolted towards the baby bunny. Jonathan let out the highest pitched yell I have ever heard... thinking it was a mouse running towards him. He jumped up on the island countertop in one quick stride. I dove towards the floor and barely grabbed the injured baby bunny before the cat and dog could gobble her up! I still laugh to this day about the timing of it all. Jonathan screaming and jumping onto the counter. Me diving onto the floor to grab the tiny bunny before two hungry mouths got to her. It was insane and yet dang funny!
And... Jonathan made his submission prior to the deadline... so I guess he gets two stories. As the baby boy of the family... his sisters are not going to be surprised by this...
Jonathan states his favorite moment is "definitely you Vin Diesling the corner at the cabin with Tyler"
It was a beautiful spring day and I had fishin' fever! Jonathan and one of his besties, Tyler, (my son from another mother) made the decision to head up to East Rosebud and try out our fishing hole to see if we could land any trout on our new crankbait. Jonathan was in the beginning stages of learning to drive and needed to log hours to pass his Driving Ed class. This meant, there was a need for him to take the wheel and drive the backroad for practice, anytime we could. He followed all the safety guidelines, laws of the land, and was very cautious about his speed on the winding dirt road with lots of washboards. We eventually made it to our favorite spot to fish. Jonathan and Tyler were less serious about all of it and spent most of the time playing in the dirt or whatever boys do... When it was time to head back home. I drove as we were behind on time and running late. Shocker eh? As I sped up and began to turn into the hillside; washboards were still present as before... and the turn was at its highest point (perfect timing for when you don't want something to go wrong while being the responsible driving parent). I began talking smack about Jonathan's slow driving. No sooner than I could get another jab in towards his responsible, safe, driving... The car hit a washboard and I lost control of the car. Knowing we were at the highest point of going over the edge and speeding... I cranked the wheel hard to the left and then to the right... until the car slammed into the side of the hill. Perfect 360... with enough force to have left grass blades in between the tire and the rim. My dash light lit up the "check tire pressure" symbol before I could even check the damage. My heart was racing... I couldn't believe I actually pulled off us not going over the edge or sustaining any serious damage to us or the car. When I looked into my rearview mirror (now I am laughing hysterically) Jonathan; who was getting ready to drink from his newly opened bottle of water, prior to my stunt... had squeezed the bottle so hard... all of the water was sprayed across the back window, Tyler's face, and his glasses... my laughter cannot be contained at this point! In his most annoyed tone of voice he yelled "Mom you are so stupid, why are you so stupid"? As you can imagine... that did not stop the laughing! I quickly, but more cautiously, proceeded to the nearest gas station to check my tire pressure and give it a tad more air! You know, just in case (One can never be too safe)!
It's so easy to focus on the moments that are surrounded by negativity. If you are anything like me; you tend to only recall the events that are fueled by guilt, shame, and other non-forward-moving feelings. How often do we take the time to revisit moments of happiness, laughter, love... and then compare notes with our loved ones to see which ones meant the most or possibly were forgotten.
I am beyond grateful for those in my circle. The Nouns that are patient, kind, encouraging, and understanding to the steps I have taken in an attempt to catch up on everything I spent years isolating myself away from. This time, there are no bandaids to cover up my wounds or skin concealer to cover up my scars. I am not ashamed to be me... What you get is what you see... Well, kind of... except for days prior to a full moon, or mid-month, or when I am hungry or feeling overwhelmed .... haha...
I am truly not that extreme,
I am far more simple than I colorfully describe myself to be!
"Seek to do good, and you will find that happiness will run after you"
~ James Freeman
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