I had the pleasure of babysitting all of my 6 littles (my grandbabies) from 7:00 am this morning until morning tomorrow. You could say I am a smidge on the tired side. On top of an entire day of me being the snack britch, push up my freezer pop, please, Nana Crystal... I had a battle fighting inside my head and heart.
On this journey; I am realizing that there are no second chances or joking around when it comes to forward movement. If I don't keep my mind just as focused as my drive... my circle will backtrack. Those that bring doom, gloom, and make me dark and twisty, will once again rein in my life.
Outside of watching my littles, completing my portfolio, and a bit of baking... I spend a lot of time by myself. I was going to say alone, but that word sounds sad or lonely and that's not how my time with myself is perceived. I am enjoying getting to know myself. My former self spent the majority of her time planning and doing for others. So, taking every free minute with me to learn about myself is becoming fun! Even adventurous, I might say!
After another amazing evening with My Mr. TDAH... I once again left his presence surrounded by a new awareness... His taste in music! As well as, smelling like him (that's one of my favorites). An introduction to his music provided hours of 3D brain massaging and a moment, where I believe, time actually stood still.
SURREAL!
So... what's my point? Let me so kindly tie all that together into a beautiful red bow, wrapped around the package, called my life...
Backtrack to my evening with my littles. After an attempt to wrangle all 6 of them into bedtime formations... A moment began to unfold. With littles not staying in bed, as requested and 50% of the mass population crying... I began to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and maybe even close to throwing my own tantrum! I grabbed my Bluetooth speaker and began playing my newly created playlist. 3D BRAIN MASSAGE!!!
Immediately, cries became screams and crabby littles began pouting out of the baby shark room. I continued to make my banana bread and sing and dance... The littlest of littles (ahead of baby Z, who was actually sleeping) began to stare at me for a few seconds and then started wiggling her chunky legs, in and out. The smile on her face in pride, as she was dancing and in joy from the music beats, is the purest form of innocence and happiness one could ever experience.
Then little # 3, 5 and 6 began shaking their arms in the air and bobbing heads. My kitchen became a toddler mosh pit. The overwhelmed, stressed out me couldn't help but to start laughing! These littles... Such amazing persons for such different reasons... We're singing and dancing their butts off because I presented a moment that changed the tone. A moment that was presented to me by My Mr. TDAH with a reveal of his music tastes. This moment poured into the morning, as I sang and danced to Halloween themed songs, as parents picked up their littles and a loaf of banana bread.
Once again; by myself... I picked up my house from the evening of toddler mania. I changed back the music to my newest obsession to keep adding to my playlist. I again found myself singing and dancing to the pumped up beats. The battle inside my head and heart no longer felt important. I realized that not every moment requires my emotion or a melt down. To stay in a state of forward motion means I have less time to stay focused on any aspect of my past.
I stayed far too long in a state of sadness. Thinking every negative in my past required me to unroll a sleeping bag and stay. If I didn't fully understand my reasonings for the past (I ALLOWED) then how could I heal and be real in my future state?
I decided I was overdo for a purge. A name I've given to the process I go through mentally and physically to let go. I am a highly emotional person. I feel way before I think. My Mr. TDAH is frequently reminding me to find the reason in a moment based on the what and why without the feel. It has been one heck of a challenge to get my brain to drop the emotion and sort the facts. And when I do... Oddly, I feel more relaxed!
On my journey, I sought happiness and to begin living this thing called life! Now that I have reached these in my current state... I am focused on using the tools I have learned work for me to keep me in a positive state!
Details to come...
"Forget the risk and take the fall. If it's what you want it's worth it all" ~unknown
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