Today is my last carefree day as I take a plunge back into corporate America tomorrow. A pile of events the past several years left me feeling unconfident with my skills and experiences.
Part of this journey to find myself requires I eliminate the one factor that initiated the loss of myself... FEAR!
I have walked into a room full of overbearing, egotistical CEO'S with no prior experience of the formalities of the meeting and confidently rocked it (while wearing 5 inch heels).
I have stood up to "alleged" drug dealing, violent guys attempting to bully my girls into relationships. (Once while wearing a bikini)
I have testified in court against my own monster and won giving me legal freedom of any contact for 10 years.
I walked away from a natural gas explosion and fire in my own home without a scratch (In nothing but a bathroom towel).
There is nothing I can't do if I set my mind to it and find excitement in the process. So the fact I have become a hermit in my life baffles me. If you were to ask anyone from my past to describe me... The quiet, silent type is far from what they would tell you.
It's this thing called "fear" that has crippled me. Has pushed me to the brink of madness and has caused me to stop believing in myself. Okay... It didn't just put me at the brink of madness; it crowned me queen in the land of crazy with a large red flag on the gate to the kingdom.
Not a mental picture anyone would have believed could be me ten years ago! So, I am doing whatever it takes to make fear my bitch and rock my confidence to the point of "I have life by the balls" attitude. I can have and do whatever my heart desires ... Just by waking up and going for it!
As egotistical as that sounds... It's the pep talk and drive I need to push me beyond my current boundaries and mindset!
I am far from having my crap together and living close enough to the railroad tracks to not have to walk far for the next train wreck in my life.
However, I am finding it's my attitude that sucks and not my life!
Wow!
I'm pausing to write that statement on the bathroom mirror to remind me daily!
Yesterday, my mini-me once again rushed to my rescue to pick me up with a gas can to go get my car that was parked miles away with the gas gauge pushed to the limits of empty. The lady at the gas station asked how my day was going and instead of griping about my situation ... I laughed! I shared how my adult daughter was rescuing her 43 year old mom who happened to run out of gas and was parked in a local watering hole parking lot.
Not a highlight in my life and yet... It is funny! It's the type of situations I find myself in more times than not and if I'm going to make it out of this thing called life alive and living... These are the moments I need to embrace and let go laughing!
Things happen! I am not cursed or jinxed or crazy or less than others! I am a person who likes to procrastinate and has a major dislike for the mundane task of putting gas in my car! I can thank my ex-husband for that. He spoiled me by always ensuring my tank was full, and all the other car responsibilities were taken care of. I had no idea how awesome that was.
In the meantime, my irresponsible actions gave reason for my mini me to pick me up and gave us 20 minutes of face to face catch up time. It presented a topic of conversation between myself and a gas station cashier that made us both laugh... While probably making her feel better about any situations she was dealing with on her busy shift...
Flashback to March 21, 2010: I walked into a tattoo parlor and had the phrase "Let Go Laughing" permanently written on my left foot for me to forever see. So why has this motto of my life eluded me? Why have I allowed myself to become so miserable in my daily life?
I've always embraced simple. This motto and attitude is what built friendships and unforgettable moments. It's how I stayed sane during insanity and how I kept positive in a world of constant negativity.
So... Many years later I am using coconut oil to moisturize and shine my feet. To once again put this motto and reminder back into my daily life. To remind myself, when fear starts to get my head down, to look back up, and keep walking forward... Confidently and Proud!
"Let Go Laughing"
Yep.
It's truly that simple.
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