Purple Glowing Lights

Typically, a full moon on the horizon means a visit from overly emotional, hot mess... ME!

A night of sobbing, nonsense as I purge all the pain points in my entire life. All the same stories surrounded by feelings of confusion and the inability to find understanding into the "why's".

Over and over: my mind replaying every painful memory of events that changed my planned paths and definitions of who was I. Not something that allows for forward movement focused on the dreams and goals I set aside. A pattern and behavior that holds me down in a miserable state of self loathing and fears of never being in the right. 

My SeekingCrystalRae journey started in the beginning phases of the full moon. Makes sense that my new mindset and need for self reflection would push me to write. 

The weekend prior; I was a crying mess. Body shaking and sobbing sounds that left me unable to catch my breath. This transitioned to a numbness as I questioned all I sought in order to begin truly living. By the end of the weekend, I felt calm and a sense of certainty as to what I wanted and needed from my future partner in crime.

The skeletons of my past... Although, were removed numerous times. We're back knocking at my door. Shame, guilt and lack of personal boundaries had me opening the door to let them back in. The visits only added to my insecurities, and self doubts. Providing a tiredness that crippled me deep into the night. 

As I read through my emails; a spam message from a "gifted friend" claimed a hot bath cleanse was the much needed resolution to eliminate the evil energies attached to me. A bath.. hmmm.. seemed easy enough to at least try and she didn't request money or sucking out my soul in order to justify her words of resolve. (Not making fun or judging). 

As the full moon progressed into another phase. So did I. I openly expressed my desires to start dating again...  My mini me and daughter from another mother; told me about the latest and greatest dating site. 

Ugh... 

With immediate feelings of this being a waste of my time... I reluctantly uploaded profile pictures, answered questions and put my honest expectations as to what I was looking for. Before I could fully complete my profile and "heart" or "X" the full list of nearby single guys... DING! 

"Crystal, you have one new message and matched connection in your inbox." I squinted my eyes as I opened the notification in anticipation of whom was about to ask questions about my personal life.

Much to my surprise it was my first 'heart". Tall, dark and handsome that quickly caught my eye. His words were witty, fun, and made me laugh. My attention was all his... Congratulations to this stranger on easily taking first place!

I have spent a decent amount of hours the past few years on isolating, and being consumed by rebuilding my home.. my life! Enough time to know exactly what I was wanting, needing and this time I wasn't settling for anything less than the best.. a real man. My person! My guy! A very bestest friend to share every aspect of everything.

The very first day ... Who do you think had a date lined up and planned with Mr. TDAH!?! 

Yep... ME!

Ms. Isolation was finally geared up to socialize. 

My perfect calendar date and a set time to be picked up for a nice, relaxing, get to know one another kind of night. With no hesitation or doubts... I packed my swimsuit and headed out.

The moon in full phase. The harvest or aka Pisces Moon. Was a beautiful sight.

His Moon.

 We talked, laughed and soaked in the hot water all night. All lit up and glowing in purple lights. 

Who knew my "gifted friend" would end up being spot on.  A hot water bath cleanse was exactly what I needed to file away the past and start focusing on really. living. life.

I don't know what or whom to thank for the instant "heart" connection and all the events that have followed since that perfect date on a calendar night... But deeply, sincerely, thank you for aligning the stars and moon so I could finally experience "right".

That moon, That Man, That hot water  illuminated in purple glowing light... 

An unpredicted Noun 

Swept me away 

On a perfect night 

Basking in the glow 

Of his moonlight